GO F%*!#K YOURSELF!!

I love Seinfeld! Who doesn't? I also loved the actress who played George Castanza's mother on the show - Estelle Harris. From the moment she first appeared on the show in the famous "The Contest" episode, where she walks in on George masturbating, to making Paella to yelling at her husband to anything she did on the show, she always had me in hysterics.

So - I did what any normal TV fan would do - I decided to track her down! Track her down, not stalk her. Just to clarify.

First I had to meet Tom Cherones. Afterall, he Directed 'The Contest' episode. I asked Tom about this famous episode and about Estelle. More importantly I asked him when he last masturbated. 'Just this morning', was his response!

Tom suggested I meet cartoon voice actor, Charlie Adler who is very good friends with Estelle. This crazy guy tells me Estelle collects 'chatchkas' from auctions houses. He tells me to head up to San Bernardino to see if she's at the auction buying more 'stuff'.

I go to the auction, but it is not what I expected. Velour recliners, old people, used stuff, tackyville! There was only one thing that caught my attention - Estelle Harris - she was there! I tried to get her attention, but she told me to 'GO F%*!#K YOURSELF!!' What??!!

It was too late, she snuck out before I could meet her! Arrghh!!

Back to the old drawing board.

I was then able to track down Estelle's agent who told me my best bet was to go to Runyon Canyon Park - a Hollywood park where the celebs walk their dogs. Estelle's son Glen would be there - walking her two dogs and wearing a long scarf.

A long scarf? Two dogs? You gotta be kidding.

So off I went, dog treats in hand. Lucky for me - I found him! We chatted about his mom. Glen then called me that night and said his mom would be at the LA Zoo the next morning!

So I put on my best animal print shirt and headed off to LA Zoo - to the Gorilla cages to be exact.

And there she was! Estelle Harris! Mrs. Castanza!

We chatted and liked each other. She then invited me to her home to meet her husband. More than that, we became friends and went out for dinner. We have been in touch ever since.

And if anybody says we are not friends, I simply say, in the words of Estelle, GO F%*!#K YOURSELF!!